7 pictures to go with 3,249 words -or- A long update, plus Beijing!

It’s been a long time since last update, and for that I apologize. If you have the attention span to read all of this in one sitting, I commend you.

Since we last left off, I was without internet for almost 4 days starting on the Friday 12th and going until Monday the 15th. It was terrible and excruciating. I read a lot (I have now finished Marley and Me and A Hope in the Unseen since arriving here) and did a better job of studying characters than when my internet was up.

Over that weekend, we again went out. If I haven’t touched on the blistering pace of change here, let me expound. At the beginning, we tried to go to a restaurant that was a favorite from last year. It is now a clothing shop. Also when we arrived, there was a Construction Bank of China branch that was quite gutted and most definitely under construction. Less than a week later it was up and running. The exact same goes for another sweet restaurant right next door. It’s incredible what can happen when labor is cheap, the economy is in the toilet, and there aren’t all these namby-pamby regulations and unions. As a rich foreigner benefiting from the process, I like it, but I also feel really guilty.

Anyway, over that weekend we planned on going out to a club again. I suggested we go to the Mayflower, which last year provided free drinks to foreigners. We sent an advance party in a cab, but they reported that this ‘promotion’ of sorts was no longer going on. So we went to Club 7, the first club that I went to last year. Our large party exited the hotel and we got in a caravan of taxis. After we knew they knew where they were going, we set off.

It’s only 6 city blocks or so down the road from our campus, but no one particularly wanted to walk it, and when a cab ride is $.30 per person, why not? It also gives everyone a chance to 聊天 (liao tian, chat) with the cabbies, which is usually fun. We cruised down the street, pulled awesome U-turns as the club was on the opposite side, and hopped out.

Remember that lecture on change and new establishments? Yeah. It was boarded up. Nothing had taken its place yet, but it had either moved (I doubt it) or gone under (probably). This made me very sad, as one of the highlights of the place was the LCD screens they had of Doraemon with trippy colors on loop. This is made doubly awesome when comfortably numb and zoning out, but focusing solely on the LCD screens for minutes on end.

Disappointed, we got back in our cabs (who were overjoyed to have another fare, as we had paid before getting out) and had them take us to 酒吧街 (jiuba jie, bar street) and back to Coco. This time we had a semi-private booth on the 3rd floor which was pretty cool. We could stand at the glass floor-to-ceiling wall/window and look out at the dance floor and DJ. It was cool, but we were there for a relatively short time. After our late start then false start I don’t think we got there until at least 11:00pm, probably later. I don’t recall exactly when, but at some point someone else on the program, who I don’t think we actually went to the club with, came up to us and said something about how some guy from Wisconsin pissed off some other guy and now the Triads or Police were going to come and we’d all get messed up something fierce. Even at the time it seemed that ridiculous, but no one seemed to mind leaving.

It’s convenient to be white here. You get ripped off, but you can get away with most anything. Taking a balloon from your local McDonald’s? Go for it. Yelling “BADGERSSSSSSSSSSS” in a crowded club parking lot? Sure, why not, shoot for the moon! And precisely both of those happened. After a hurried exodus from the club, a taxi-sized group of 4 of us got together. We needed to see if everyone else got out. We could call, but minutes are expensive and it’s such a pain to talk to people 1-on-1 when you’re trying to figure out the whereabouts of a whole group. So I yelled. A full-lunged shout, which probably didn’t even sound like an actual word but more of a primal scream to those who didn’t speak English.

“BADDDGERRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”

My voice can be quite the boomer. Deep and loud, it rolled across the parking lot like thunder. Crashing up the ears of all, the mighty cry was heard for kilometers and kilometers. A little hyperbole there, but you get the idea. And the responses flowed back. Just like that, I had fulfilled my safety obligations. Everyone in the parking lot was now looking at me of course, but it was awesome. Is someone going to come up and chide me? No.

“Wait a sec Eric,” you might be saying right now, “Isn’t this perpetuating the stereotype of the loud American?” My response to that is “Naturally, it is.” But it is so, SO fun. And as stated earlier, there was legitimate purpose behind it as well and totally harmless. So take that.

Also that weekend we went to an all-you-can-eat-and-drink Japanese steakhouse. The cost was only 150 kuai per person. Flipping through the menu, I would point at things and say 七个，七个，七个 (seven of these, seven of these, seven of these…) and use the hand gesture . Those are a really convenient way to unambiguously say a number when you get lazy with tones, its loud, or whatever. It also makes you look a lot less white in the eyes of whatever Chinese person you’re interacting with, which can help from time to time, especially with bargaining.

Anyhow, we ordered some things from the menu, including some red bean ice cream, some plum juice, and a few shrimp and meat dishes. I went outside to help a friend find the place, came back, and they had come back into the room, informing us we needed MORE. Our order had been rejected for having too little. I then flipped through the menu, pointing at anything anyone remotely expressed interest in, and requesting seven. A veritable mountain of meat came to us only minutes later. Platters and plates of lamb, beef, chicken, shrimp, sushi, steak, more beef, and squid, oysters, and other fun edibles trundled our way on a cart. Also, gallons of Tsingtao (pronounced qing dao) and sake were on hand. We had a plastic one-gallon jug of sake, which we absolutely murdered along with the help of our hibachi chef and one of the waitresses. We also did several 干杯’s, (ganbei) which sort of translates to cheers. However, when you ganbei something, you finish it. And you’re supposed to start at full. We had mugs of beer, and shotglasses for sake. We tried to keep the amount of 干杯’s to under once every two minutes, but I don’t think we held to that. Thankfully sake isn’t 80 proof alcohol, and this was closer to 30-40, but the quantity was high. We lost track of beers ordered. Surprisingly, no one got particularly drunk.

This was mostly due to the sheer mass of food we consumed. The steak was positively divine, the best I’ve had in this country. It’s a good thing I’m not counting calories or the like, since that meal may have stretched into 5 digits after counting the alcohol. After that wonderful meal, we returned to the dorm briefly and then went to a KTV parlor. We met up with a lot more of our program classmates and went got a large room. We only had it for an hour though, and after a Titanic duet and some Britney it was time to go. A few of us returned to Alibaba’s where we met some cool French Canadians. Unfortunately they are gone this weekend and we were gone last weekend, but they have our phone numbers if they deem us worthy of talking to again.

The school week after that was pretty uneventful. We took a pretty easy test, there was a sweet thunderstorm, and I reformatted my computer. Not terribly much worth commenting on. Then on Friday, we went to Beijing.

After said easy test, we had Erhu class. Erhu is an instrument approximately a thousand years old. It has two steel strings (they were silk originally) and a standard horse-hair bow between them. The range is only a couple octaves, but it’s pretty fun. I’m absolutely terrible at it, but whatever. We have slowly been learning finger positions and the best way to hold the bow, and how not to make terrible screeching sounds. Not much of this is getting through to me, but most of the class is doing pretty well. This is a picture from our first Erhu lesson, when we were just getting our hands on them for the first time. All that concentration isn't helping me one iota.


At 2:00pm we boarded a bus to Beijing. We were off a little bit later after making sure everyone was on board, and after a rest stop in the middle, we got to our Peking Duck restaurant at 5:00. I might catch some flak for this, but I find Peking Duck (北京烤鸭 beijing kaoya) to be highly overrated. I mean it doesn’t taste bad, but it’s super rich like duck always is, and adding some plum sauce and a little bit of sliced onions and cucumbers to duck is no great alchemical feat. It still tastes like Asian Boston Market, if such a thing existed. I hope the program didn’t pay too much for it is the bottom line I guess.

After said dinner, we walked up and down a boring street for half an hour or so, then returned to the front of the restaurant. I zoned out and tried to catch a nap while waiting for the bus to take us to the theater for another stereotypical Chinese experience, Peking Opera. After congested traffic, we arrived at the hotel/theater with a few minutes to spare. We took our seats, and the show began.
Last year, I was not a huge fan of the opera. It was boring. So boring, in fact, I decided to walk out and find myself a crisp refreshing drink and wander the streets. It was a decision I did not regret. I thought about doing so again this year, but felt that I should give it another go. Who knows, maybe it wouldn’t suck?
And that is precisely how I would describe it. It was a blissfully short hour and fifteen minutes. The first act was really boring, a 25-minute ordeal that had me worrying it would be a repeat of last year’s fiasco. It involved a lot of talking and not a lot of funny. Thankfully, it ended (Though the plot was not resolved, the entire thing was a woman trying to get on a boat to follow her lover in another boat. She got on a boat, then it ended.) and we were greeted with a new scene about Sun Wukong the Monkey King and his fight against 18 warriors. The ‘action’ got a little repetitive, but it kept me mostly entertained. It was pretty decent, and quite unlike pulling teeth.

We got to our hotel lateish, and found our rooms. My roommate decided it would be funny to wear a shower cap while not showering. I followed suit and put it on like a SARS/bird flu/swine flu mask. Some went out to clubs while a few of us just went around the corner for dinner. We stopped at a place near the end of a sketchy alley. They had the spiciest noodles, maybe the spiciest thing, I have ever tasted. It was obscene, and my friend who ordered it had to stop eating it because her mouth was on fire and she was on the verge of getting sick from the hotness. After second dinner we went back to the hotel and got to sleep. The next morning started before 8:00am.

Four of us gathered in the lobby at 7:50am. By 8 we were out. A quick taxi ride over to Tiananmen, met up with another friend, and we walked under the street, had our bags screened, and up onto the square. Big Brother, naturally, was watching. After the obligatory Mao portrait picture, we set off to cross the street again and head over to the Forbidden City.



The Forbidden City is monstrous. The 24 emperors that resided in it barely ever left its walls. It had harems, slave quarters, and other fun-filled places of joy in addition to the requisite temples, pavilions, and administration buildings. We spent a couple hours in it wandering around, admiring places such as the Imperial Garden and generally being regular tourists. The thing is, even all the other Chinese there were tourists too, so no one was particularly out of place. There was also one thing that I’m sure would have had Mao turning over in his coffin:
Note the bottom-right.

After the Forbidden City we took lunch at an incredible place, a holy place, known only as the Passby Bar. It served the most positively divine sandwiches ever. Sadly, I got the risotto for lunch (not bad itself) but it was so awesome, we decided to make sure it was not a one-time event. We would return.

And from lunch we went to Silk Street. It is an indoor bazaar, a carnival of consumers, huckster rodeo, all things new China. It has pushy vendors that speak good English to go with their French and Spanish as well. They hawk ties, Luis Vuitton, Dolce & Gabana, and all other sorts of brand names that are actually complete knock-offs. In proud Chinese tradition, they have posted a sign:
Just as “Socialism with Chinese characteristics” (the official Communist party line for the current system in China) really means “cut-throat no-regulations capitalism” the presence of this sign means the exact opposite of what it says. The shopkeeps themselves will readily tell you they are fakes. I bought a couple silver charms for my sisters (get pumped Kara and Liz) and a couple belts, because I was lacking in the snazzy belt department. After lots of browsing and everyone seemed to be satisfied, we returned to the hotel, dropped off our stuff and went to a great Muslim restaurant recommended by Lonely Planet. It was off on a side street but was totally packed, with Chinese, Arabs, Indians, and a couple other whites as well. The food didn’t disappoint either, with tender lamb and some great vegetable dishes.

Again we went to the hotel while the 女生 (nüsheng, girls) got ready. I read some and watched terrible Chinese dramas on TV. We reconvened at 10:30 or so and went to a club called Banana. There are a couple in Beijing called Banana, and we actually went to the wrong one first, as seems to be a theme now. There was actually a cover charge at this one, which means it’s pretty high-class or at least tries to be. Getting in, the music was deafening as expected. However, this club also had fire, and bubbles. Occasionally a bubble machine would go off and bubbles would float through the air. This proved immensely entertaining. Also, the bartender would occasionally light things on fire. Sometimes he juggled them as well. Then there was the tower of bottles with some flaming bottle at the top. It was quite a feast for the eyes, especially when all sound was pounding chaos mixed with such regal tunes as Soulja Boy.

I ordered a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label, which for some mystifying reason is referred to here as “rum.” I don’t know why, but that’s how it is. This was mostly done using hand signals as the club was far too loud and our table was literally next to the dance floor. After the waiter spilled some on me, robbed me of 10 kuai (maybe he thought it was a tip) and basically failed at being a high-end waiter, the bottle was magically empty, the victim of 8 or so people and one birthday girl. And just as sure as Charlie don’t surf, Eric doesn’t dance. Or at least not while sober. With that obstacle eliminated I got up danced for a long, long time. As we slowly lost people, the remaining 4 of us returned to the hotel at some unknown time. After some discussion, it was decided that a McDonald’s run was necessary. So we stumbled over to McDonalds, changed minds, and went to KFC. I ordered a chicken sandwich. It was the longest I have ever had to wait for fast food. It felt like an hour eternity, but was probably closer to 15 minutes. Still, that is a ridiculously long time to have to wait. After finally getting the sandwich, we returned to the hotel and slept it off. Sleep was fitful however, as the cleaning staff could not keep from talking really loudly in the hallways, in addition to early morning knocks and checkout-reminder calls. Going to bed when it was once again light out didn’t help either.

The original plan for the Sunday was to go to the Temple of Heaven and Summer Palace. Neither of those happened, as we were all dead tired. Instead, we went to the Passby bar again and ordered these:

Truly, heaven on bread. Incredible, would order again, A++++++
And after that we basically wandered around. There were some small hutong off to the side of the street the Passby was on, so we just sort of went through those. Eventually we decided on walking to a nearby park. “Nearby” turned out to be relative however, and after we almost got there we decided to turn it in and get a taxi back to the hotel. From there we just sat and relaxed for an hour and some until the bus was ready to take us back to Tianjin.

And then there were this week’s classes. Mine is slowly getting harder and more interesting. We had a midterm today which wasn’t too bad. Tomorrow early in the morning we are heading out to Taishan, the holiest of the Taoist mountains in China. From there we will be able to climb it, watch the sunset, sleep on the summit, and watch the sunrise. Hopefully it will live up to the hype. The weekend after is our 3-day during which I am going to Qingdao. These upcoming travel opportunities should be pretty fun.

More than 3000 words but that’s all I have for now. I’ll try to be a little more 认真 (renzhen, earnest) about updating this thing.
再见！

Pleasant Weekend and Wolves in ATM Clothing

Classes started a week ago, but my Classical Chinese class is pitifully easy. Each day we go over a short story, character by slow and painful character, for two hours and fifteen minutes of class time. I feel like I die a little bit inside every time in class, and the last half an hour is like pulling teeth. Okay maybe it’s not quite as bad as that, but it’s really slow, really easy, and I question the usefulness of the content. It’s required for the major however so I don’t really have an option to switch out of it anyway.

The easiness of the classes has at least permitted more free time. We are basically able to eat, drink, and be merry whenever. One easy thing to do here is take advantage of the not only the cheap beer, but also cheap bootleg DVDs.

Yes, 10 kuai DVDs. Sure, the default settings are set to Chinese, the packaging is questionable, they don’t play on some computers, and the menu titles are sometimes in Chinese, but it’s still sweet. For less than a buck and a half you have a movie that you would have paid 10x for in America. Also, movies that haven’t exactly been released yet on DVD such as X-Men Origins: Wolverine, or occasionally even movies that aren’t even out in theaters yet (The Dark Knight last year). Combine these all-region/region-free discs with a cheap DVD player and it’s quite nice. I’ve already seen Night At The Museum, Yes Man, Wolverine, and half of He’s Just Not That Into You. (I fell asleep halfway through, brought on by a case of overwhelming boredom.)

The sketchy/cheap part of China has its downsides however. As I noted last post, I took out 1500 yuan and went happily on my way. What I neglected to mention was that I tried two ATMs before the third one let me have my money. These first two were both on campus, and neither worked last year, however I decided to give them a try and see if they were back up. Sort of. The first one told me it was broken and I moved to the second. It seemed to be working okay, but when I put in the amount I wanted it told me that there was no money left and gave me back my card and I took a receipt. Normally, I am so very good at keeping receipts and other paper-trail items. I keep gas receipts for a week or so. However after I got my money from the third ATM, I returned to my room and the receipt was chucked in the trash. After all, the result was the exact same as last year, so I figured no problem.

A couple days later when doing a routine check on my bank account, I noticed there were two withdrawals, on the same day. One of these was for $148 from an ATM on Weijin Lu, which happens to be the street our campus is on. I immediately commenced a search for the receipt but the trash had already been taken out (it is done daily) and I was feeling quite royally screwed. After cursing a few times, I asked my bank (UW Credit Union) to dispute it and explained what happened. They responded that after the machine is audited which is done every week or so, the money in the machine may not add up with the withdrawals. So basically the fate of my $148 is in the hands of some sketchy-ass local bank official who is probably taking large chunks out of the dumb 老外 (laowai, a slightly derogatory term for foreigner literally meaning “old outsider”) who decide to use their ATM. My bank explained that it could be up to 45 days for an answer since it’s an international thing, but I’ve basically already written it off as a loss. In my account right now I see I have been reimbursed (minus a $1.50 fee but whatever) though I’m not sure if that is the credit I have been extended by my bank, or if I won this small battle. I’ll see if it goes away and then talk to my bank. Lessons can be expensive.

On Saturday we took a ridiculously easy test and were out of class by 9:00AM. The supposed afternoon classes to compensate for missing earlier never materialized, thankfully. After a small talk by a 警察 (jingcha, police) on the dangers of not respecting local customs and which bars not to go to, we settled in, watched movies and ate, then promptly went to one of the clubs we were warned against.

This is not some stupid rebellious move that is seeking trouble. The truth is that the program does not particularly want to be liable for what happens when a dumb American gets belligerent drunk in a night club, makes a pass at some Chinese guy’s girlfriend and gets punched up something fierce. And if one were to avoid all human contact, you could also avoid the same fate. But where’s the fun in that?

So the girls took a few hours to beautify, and I changed into a never-fail classic in China: my Say No To Scurvy shirt.woot.com shirt. This shirt has everything. First, it is awesome, even in America. Second, it has English on it that 特别少 (very few) Chinese people will be able to understand, which makes me look awesome. Thirdly, that ridiculous looking cutesy orange with a smiley face is completely in line with the rest of this country’s unhealthy obsession with things like Doraemon and 喜洋洋. So it’s a born winner basically. At the club we bought a bottle of whiskey, and my night ended up playing a lot of the totally awesome game of Liar’s Dice which involves way too much thought given it is a drinking game. Though I guess that provides extra incentive not to suck.

Coming back to the club, I was once again feeling a craving. For a massage. So a friend and I went to the massage place at 2:00AM or something and got foot massages. They are open 24 hours, as I loudly noted several times. There is very little that feels better than getting a foot massage while starting to nod off and still a little bit intoxicated.

And being as how it was a one-day weekend, that is basically it. Class has resumed and is still easy. My tutor and I usually read those Pleasant Goat books together, because they are just a little bit above my level so are a pretty good way to learn, and there is not much for her to tutor me on really. I think some of us are planning some travel this weekend, but I’m not at all sure where. Our Beijing trip will be coming up the weekend after that, and I should have a veritable cornucopia of pictures from that.

下次

I do not have a fever

Or so the PRC Health Bureau tells me. After a quick 12+ hour flight, we landed, and sat and waited as health officials came onto the plane and took our temperature by zapping us on the forehead with what is evidently some sort of hi-tech thermometer. Fourth amendment concerns fell by the wayside as everyone on the plane simply wanted to get off. We did, and the dozen or so of us on the United 851 flight congregated then went through immigration, swine flu check, and customs. Customs, by the way, is a joke and the only exit is nothing to declare.

We exited the airport and waited for our bus. When it came, we boarded and suddenly everything seemed very surreal. Almost as though I had never left, and this was merely a regular commute. The perfectly paved highway, the ridiculous signs discouraging reckless driving, the people biking on the side of the 高速公路 (highway) as we trundled toward Tianjin.

One thing I noticed immediately was the blue sky. Last year our flight was delayed by about 5 hours and when we arrived it was dark. By the next morning, it was a solid light gray. This year it was really blue, clouds are visible, and it has only slightly darkened since getting to Tianjin. It’s really quite refreshing. I’m not sure how this happened, or what the impetus was now that the Olympics are long gone, but I like it.

We arrived at the hotel and proceeded to check in without drama. My 同屋 (roommate) Kevin had already arrived at the hotel/dorm, having been in China for a couple weeks already. I started seeing things and perceiving the building was moving all around me, so made the effort to stay up until 10:00 PM then crashed. Madison is 13 hours behind Chicago, so I had been awake for almost 30 hours, and had the additional fatigue associated with an intercontinental plane ride.

Our room:

Our quarantine officially started then too. Like many other policies of the glorious 中华人民共和国 (People’s Republic of China) this exists in name only. Upon arrival, we were given little cards that suggested a self-quarantine of 7 days. No thanks. The quarantine we are under is apparently not directed from the federal government in Beijing. I don’t know if it’s some local party hack who is trying to make a name for himself by protecting China from the sickened whiteys or what, but basically the American Embassy apparently helped us negotiate a shortened quarantine of 3 days. This has had no effect other than to provide us with free food for the period, as well as delay classes for a couple days. In theory we are not to leave the campus. We can come and go as we please however, and no one seems to care.

After withdrawing 1500 kuai/renminbi/yuan on Saturday I headed over to Homeworld and Carrefour to stock up. Toothpicks, Coke, bottled water, hangers, and pleother mundane items were all had for about 180 kuai. At 6.8 kuai to the dollar, it ran me less than $30 for a ton of crap. Cheap consumer goods get even cheaper when the distance between factory and store is two provinces instead of 150 degrees of longitude. One of the items was some incredible Doraemon-packaged toilet paper. Sadly the sheets themselves do not have any special printing.

That night several of us took advantage of the cheaply priced 啤酒 (beer) that is available throughout all of China. After playing the very un-PC named card game Tourette’s and a rousing rendition of Journey’s epic Don’t Stop Believing, a few of us went about a block or so north, crossed a fetid canal, and got to Alibaba’s, a very popular foreigner/expat bar. It was pretty popular among the students on the program last year but I actually never made it. After watching Manchester United for a little bit and mostly just sitting, drinking, and talking with other students, we came back.

On Sunday, I went again to Carrefour for no reason in particular. Didn’t have much better to do really. That night I also bit into my first, fantastic bite of McDonald’s since being back. The chicken is just as delicious as I remember. That same night six of us also went to my favorite massage parlor in Koreantown, the place with 90-minute full-body massages for 58 kuai. Sufficiently relaxed and having ate a dragonfruit from the nearby fruitstand, I returned and fell asleep.

Yesterday was a pretty slow day as well. I continued my habit here of waking up early, got on and surfed around on the internet, or at least while the internet was up and functioning. Later I took an oral test which turned out to be more of a chat with one of the professors about the problems the current generation of old Americans face, and who can solve their problems how. Not the easiest, and it involved some dumb pauses while I searched for words, but on the whole not too bad and it shouldn’t matter anyway. Later yesterday night, a much larger crowd of us went over to Alibaba’s again. In addition to thoroughly standard beer that cost 8 kuai (2-3 times a supermarket or convenience store) we also rented 2 hookahs. The only flavor we had was apple, though that might be because it was the only one we could translate into Chinese that they had. I was not in charge of procuring the hookah. Anyhow, it was decent but nothing near Memories. After one member of our party 喝醉了地呕吐 (I’ll let you look that up, and no it wasn’t me) we headed back. I played a couple games of euchre, won both (and actually came back from 6-0 to win 6-10 in one game) and then again made the nightly voyage to McDonald’s. I’m lovin’ it.

Today we had our orientation, met our teachers and tutors. Tomorrow my cell phone will be reactivated with minutes which should be convenient. We also went on a bus tour around the city and saw assorted sites like the foreign concessions, Olympic Stadium, and others. Finally to cap off the first official day of the program since being out of quarantine, we had a program banquet with very Americanized Chinese food and our teachers.

Classes start tomorrow, and we’ve already been assigned some preview material. It should be nice to get back to focusing on Chinese for a few hours a day, and start absorbing it again. The handouts I have so far don’t seem to difficult but it’s going to be a 4 person class for 3 hours which allows plenty of time for each of us to make lots of mistakes. Or learn. Or both.

再见